The new uproar over the public health threat of not breastfeeding illustrates exactly what is wrong with the conversation about women, motherhood, and feminism in this country. An article in Tuesday’s New York Times reports on a new public health campaign that compares not breastfeeding your infant to smoking during pregnancy.

Everywhere I turn there seem to be “shocking” or “eye-opening” reports on “The Mommy Wars,” including those on ABC news, the Washington Post, CNN, and Good Morning America. Although I’ve been hearing the term bandied about all year, it was just this week that I decided to find out what the heck they were. After all, as the mother of a toddler, I should probably know why I’m at war with other women—and whether I need to draw my weapons.